The Realization

Elijah asked me, with a big grin on his face, “So…how is it going?” I started to answer but realized that I hadn’t really taken the time to examine my own feelings.  I’d been enjoying our studies, our conversations and our times together..and especially the laughter.  The southern gentleman’s wonderful sense of humor kept me laughing. It didn’t matter if it was an email, a phone conversation or in person…we spent a great deal of our time together laughing!

I paused and thought for a few minutes and I think my answer shocked me…..I realized that through out the weeks and months I had begun to fall, ever so gently, in love with the southern gentleman.  It was such a subtle thing that I don’t think I even realized it had happened till that very moment. I looked at Elijah and said, “I think I’m in love.”

He excitedly told me to call his older brother. I reminded him that his brother was traveling and it was late.  I was not going to bother him. Next thing I know, his brother called me. “Hi mom, what’s up?”. “Nothing”, I said. “Elijah just texted me and told me to call you…something’s up”. “Well”, I said, as I shot one of those mom looks at Elijah, “I think I might be in love”. And, suddenly, I hear my son and his wife burst into laughter. Evidently, I was on speaker phone. “Mom, we’ve known that for a long time!”. In fact all of my kids knew…it had been a topic of discussion.

My daughter-in-law reminded me of a conversation we had shared months before….a very sweet time. In that conversation, she had been reminding me that for the last 30+ years I had laid my life down continually for my children. She also wanted me to know that I had now reached a point, with three married sons and my baby almost 18, where it was time to make choices that would make me happy. At the time I thought it very sweet, but really hadn’t realized that my kids were referring to the southern gentleman.

I may be just a bit obtuse….

It turns out that another daughter-in-law had gone to another son quite some time before and talked with him about this. The conversation went something like this,

“I think your mom is in love.”   “What? My mom isn’t in love!” “She’s humming all the time!”   “My Mom hums.” “Trust me, this much humming means she’s in love. Women know these things.”

So…apparently, all of my kids knew before I did.  My Mom knew before I did. I was evidently having too much fun to stop and think about it.  As I said, it was a very long, slow fall that ended in a very soft bump….a bump that opened my eyes to my own feelings.

This southern gentleman had pursued me so gently yet so firmly, so consistently without waivering at the many hurdles I threw into his path,  and with such confidence that this was Abba’s will for our lives. I had never met a man with so much confidence. Yet, I never felt pushed because he handled everything with gentle humor. He always showed such honor and respect for me through both his words and his actions.

Although the proposals had never ceased, (oh! how I wish I had kept count!) I remembered the southern gentleman’s asking me to please let him know when I was ready for a real proposal.

I spent a few days examining my own heart and in prayer. I wanted to make sure that this was Abba’s will for me and that I had no doubts. I spoke with each of my sons, especially Elijah since this would effect him the most.  I also spoke with my mama. One of my sons said to me, “Mom, outside of our weddings and the birth of your grandchild, we have never seen you this happy!  We all want you to be happy!”

And now I had to find a way to let the Southern Gentleman know I had examined my own heart….and found him there…

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